my applications are due november 1st. that is 24 hours away. unless it is by the end of november 1st and thus 48. but either way. time is running out
im worried
i dont think ill fit into lewis and clark
but i liked it so much
i think ill fit into ups i think i will be happy
but i wasnt excited... but maybe that was just circumstances.
i dont know what to do
what if im not happy at either place?
i got my halloween costume together
i think i was more confident of it in the store
i cant sleep and im having panic attacks
so i watch madmen and greys anatomy
they made me cry though so i dont want to watch them anymore tonight
and the office wont load
but i have to be up at like... 4-5-6 or something to curl my hair so i look good
for no one
but still
i realized i have no plans for halloween
im lonely
i measured myself tonight
bad idea
im like a good 2 inches off on my last number
no model has an ass that big
my waist is only an inch bigger than it used to be... my boobs are huge though... but thats not such a huge problem either
its that damn ass
you try buying me jeans that fit my waist hips and length that arent like 200 dollars
i need to save money
i need to write thank you notes
i need to find a new job
an affair to remember is showing at biltmore fashion square next friday. its in the park there
i would ask if someone would go see it with me
but if you read this... you are a million miles away
i really should sleep
but my stomach wont let me...
Quotes I Like
6 years ago
2 comments:
Caitlinnn. :-( I'm sorry... I wish I could be there for you. Like literally there. Or that you could come do Halloween here.
I know it's really nervewracking applying to your colleges and everything, especially since the first time around the college search didn't end up with you at a school that you were happy at. And it's perfectly sensical that you would be nervouswhile appliying the second time around too. That is, as long as you remember that you are going to be fine. You've done the research to find the schools that you'll be happy at. And this time around, no matter which one you go to, you're going to be a lot happier than you were before.
Don't worry too much about "fitting in". I do know how important it is to go to a place where you feel a part of things with the student body (high school vs. bard is very different hehe). Anyway, first of all, you're an awesome person and you're going to find your niche at L&C or at UPS. And second of all, people at colleges aren't homogenous, even if sometimes they seem as if they may be. Just follow your heart and go where you want to...and if you're not sure where that is yet, don't fear...you'll have time to figure it all out later.
I know I'm just the crazy cousin across the country with enough problems to condemn me as the eternal hypocrite for even attempting to offer advice. But I think that the most important thing for you to do right now when you're having this terrible stressful time, when you're not feeling good about your appearance, when you're worried about your future and feel too much of the burdens of the world, too much pressure, and just want to escape from the depsair-inducing loneliness and feel a sense of calm that you can't achieve, is to realize/remember:
1. you are loved
2. you are worth being loved
Love yourself. You're an amazing person and things will certainly get better. Hold out hope (and when me the pessimist says that, you know it's gotta be true...).
I love you. Call me whenever if you want or need to.
i love youuuuu! you know where to find me <3
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