i know guys i know
i'm working on it... but i have to be up for work in... mmm 5 and a half hours and i have class, work, and pilates tomorrow so i should be more rested... i just had to tell you... i think i'm on the verge of some grand understanding... like about my life and the relationships, friend familial and romantic, i have with people... im not sure its a happy one or even an overall truth, but it's something i'm thinking is coming from some past experiences, some current experiences, and where i currently see my life going... of course things change, positions change, and life changes, so hopefully this understanding im about to stumble upon will be something that is only true for awhile and after a time that truth changes... if that makes any sense.... uhh please let philosophy tomorrow clear up some of my thoughts that and perhaps a midday skinny dip in the shared pool in our courtyard... orrrr not... damn i want to go for a swim... but... im not positive where my swimsuit is... so im like meh skinny dip right? except... i dont want to be in cold waters.. i get cold easily in the pool... and... i dont want anyone to see... and in a communal pool, with the possibility of small children... ehhh not so much during the daytime you know? granted i dont know if anyone else actually uses the pool but with my luck...
now to share SOMETHNG
i've been in a shakespeare mood... and the other day at mama java's i found an old book of sonnets and i found two of my favorites which spurred me to find a whole bunch today in an "i need literature" mood
so first here is the line from the sonnet I like best... the rest of the sonnet is good but... the first line just captured me
"Like as the water make towards the pebbled shore/ so do our minutes hasten to their end"
SONNET 130
My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.
Sonnet 50
How heavy do I journey on the way,
When what I seek, my weary travel's end,
Doth teach that ease and that repose to say
'Thus far the miles are measured from thy friend!'
The beast that bears me, tired with my woe,
Plods dully on, to bear that weight in me,
As if by some instinct the wretch did know
His rider loved not speed, being made from thee:
The bloody spur cannot provoke him on
That sometimes anger thrusts into his hide;
Which heavily he answers with a groan,
More sharp to me than spurring to his side;
For that same groan doth put this in my mind;
My grief lies onward and my joy behind.
(that was the very first sonnet i ever read. We had a book of them in my house and when I was little I sat down and leafed through and this one caught my eye so I read it. And the way it was described and the language and the cadence was amazing.)
and of course
SONNET 40
Take all my loves, my love, yea, take them all;
What hast thou then more than thou hadst before?
No love, my love, that thou mayst true love call;
All mine was thine before thou hadst this more.
Then if for my love thou my love receivest,
I cannot blame thee for my love thou usest;
But yet be blamed, if thou thyself deceivest
By wilful taste of what thyself refusest.
I do forgive thy robbery, gentle thief,
Although thou steal thee all my poverty;
And yet, love knows, it is a greater grief
To bear love's wrong than hate's known injury.
Lascivious grace, in whom all ill well shows,
Kill me with spites; yet we must not be foes.
and speaking of that huge self revelation it's happening as we speak... my next post (before i leave for cali i PROMISE) will be number 25 and will have all my updates and stories and self revelations up to this point... at least all of them that i can remember then...
oh... and by the way
happy birthday daddy
