Disappointing with a dash of Tres confused

So there were all these grand plans for this weekend. A huge goodbye party at the german place with the funk band. So we got all of us in, with a 20 buck tip/bribe from me to the band and my promise to buy several rounds of sodas... which i did, which no one drank... so like 30 bucks of tip/bribes/drinks to make sure that a couple of the guys could get in...

less than an hour later EVERYONE left... INCLUDING the people i did so much to get in... leaving me there... alone... with a buncho f drunk middle aged guys hitting on me. G had run to drop someone off or pick someone up or something and when she heard what happened she turned around and picked me up and took me to some party with a bunch of people i didnt know where i drank half a beer and somehow ended up feeling rather tipsy... it was no fun at all...

and then last night we went to pita house where i discovered that apparently im the girlfriend of one of the waiters and one of the owners... haha that was fun but a certain guy friend of mine was being super whiny all night and i didnt want to deal with him. BUT i hung out with T1! which i havent done in like five bajillion years right? so that was cool and then we went home and then certain guy friends of mine came and picked me up to hang out... which endedup being us... parked in aparking lot them talking to a bunch of stoned like sophomores in high school that i didn't know and then deciding it was 11 they were going home

and as for the tres confused
im trying really hard to reign in my position on a very specific boy... we'll probably just be friends, probably won't hang out with him much more this summer or during the year, i probably wont end up in the northwest near enough to hang out with him very often when i apply to my colleges, but whatever...
the thing is though... no matter how much im trying to make myself think that way... the thing is... i still like him... i always have... he's just... so funny and smart and has such an interesting way of looking at things... and on top of that like everyone i know agrees, he's adorable! and he's warm and a good cuddler and so so sweet. he's such a nice guy... and he's crazy talented with art, and he has incredible taste in music and movies.... and it's just so hard to talk myself into the just friends place since, honestly, i've never thought of him as a just just friends... it was always a just friend because he didn't like me or a just friend because it would be too complicated... htere was always a but or a because...

andthis sucks so sos so much... but whatever its more important to stay friends because i mean... the friends part is just so so important... like fuck im not even making sense anymore
i give up


also...im sick boo