Rest In Peace

Randy Pausch died today. I can't even describe how sad I am. I was at work and I would just start sobbing and have to leave for awhile until I calmed down. He was an incredible person and incredibly wise and hopeful. And he reminded me so much of my dad. The more I read about him and heard him speak and read his book, and learned about him as a person, the more certain I became that he and my dad would have been the best of friends. I wanted to email him and talk to him because it felt like if I did it would almost be like talking to my dad again.

I never did. I don't know if it's because I knew how much more difficult this day would have been if I had a real connection with him. Or if it was because I understood that these last months, days and hours with his family were so important I didn't want to impose on him and take his time away from them.

I hope that those children can make it through the next few years alright. Their father was an incredible man and so is there mother so I know they will. But I also know how hard it is to even exist on certain days knowing that person no longer exists in this world. And they are so young. And they have years of classes ahead where they have to make cards for their daddies, where they have to bring their dad to class. Years to realize that at that little girls wedding, there will be no father daughter dance. But then again, maybe because they ARE so young, it won't be so difficult to adjust, because it won't be adjusting. That will be how they are raised.

Either way... I just... I pray for them... and for me that is saying something.
"We can’t change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand. If I’m not as depressed as you think I should be, I’m sorry to disappoint you."
"To be cliché, death is a part of life and it’s going to happen to all of us. I have the blessing of getting a little bit of advance notice and I am able to optimize my use of time down the home stretch." (Then again... With that for a father... and that kind of legacy... they'll probably be alright)


I guess... my dad is just on my mind a lot lately... and after this, it was very close to how I felt in those first weeks after he was gone today. Almost normal but with this huge weight on me still. This Stone in the middle of my chest.
One last one because it was my dad's philosophy as much as it was Randy's I think
"It’s not about how to achieve your dreams. It’s about how to lead your life. If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself. The dreams will come to you."
<3